Here’s a short list of petty ways to get back at your ex that won’t land you in jail. Somebody needs it, so let’s get into it:
1. Take Your New Boo To Their Barber Or Loctitcian
That’s right. This is a full-on violation of a sacred space! What is more disrespectful than sending your new partner to the person who does your old bae’s hair? Especially if new boo gets out of the chair right before old boo and peeps what old boo’s true hairline is looking like between cuts. Yikes.
2. Cancel That Flight They’re Bragging About On Instagram
This only works if they forgot to leave the confirmation number off their post. That’s the only piece of information you need to cancel a flight, so if you have that, you have your revenge.
3. Take A Brick To Their Car
Before you go busting the windows out of their car, consider simply gluing the brick to the windshield instead. Imagine how hard you’ll laugh at the thought of them driving around with a whole brick stuck to their car, struggling to figure out who did it and how. They’ll likely end up having to replace the windshield anyway if you use the right kind of adhesive, so maybe save this for the ex who did you the dirtiest. Up to you.
4. Submit Their Resume To Phony Job Postings Online
This will have multiple scammers calling and emailing them with useless information forever. Like…forever.
5. Take Their Pet To The Shelter
This is pretty low, but that’s the point. Anybody can drop a dog or cat off at their local SPCA. They usually charge a surrender fee, but it’ll be less than the adoption fee your ex will have to pay to get their precious fur baby back. To be extra petty, you can leave the details in a note in the hallway signed in the pet’s name.
Try not to do anything that will have you looking crazy on the news. It’s normal to be angry at a partner after a break-up, and it is even more normal to struggle with being the bigger person. If you find yourself needing to take a final jab at the person who just broke your heart, find a non-literal way to do it. Comment below with the pettiest things you’ve done or experienced after a break-up. Help keep another grieving sister or brother off of The Shade Room!